I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
