Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
