# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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