I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
