I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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