you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
