Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
