I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
