Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
