hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
