help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
