She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't turn off my feet"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
