They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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