did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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