I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
