so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
