I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
