You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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