on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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