so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
