Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
