i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
