And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
