tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
