The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize