I think I died a long time ago.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize