i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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