Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
