i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
