Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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