How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
