not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
