Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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