he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
