just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
