She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
