I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
