The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
