Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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