butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
