My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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