I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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