OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
