I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
