Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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