Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
