He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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