i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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