I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wear drunk well.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
