if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
