you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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