I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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