you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
