Midget sex pt 2 tonight
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
