Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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