Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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