did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
