You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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