Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
