His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
