in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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