where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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