lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
