I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
