Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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