eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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