woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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