we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
