I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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