At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Someone came in the potted fern
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
