I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
