She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
