you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
