yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
