He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize