There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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