Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
