I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
