I wish I could teleport
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
