i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it penis luge time yet?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
