fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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