do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize