I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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