Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
