so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
