I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
