end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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