How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
